If you find yourself living next to, working with or in a relationship with a person like this here are some resources to help you.
If you are in contact with someone who is currently on parole there are some things you should know-
There are standard guidelines they need to adhere to:
- Follow ALL laws
- No weapons of any kind
- No alcohol or drugs unless prescribed by a doctor and approved by their parole officer (even ones that are legal in that state)
- They cannot travel outside a specific distance (usually 50 miles from their residence) without permission from their parole officer
Here is a comprehensive list of California general parole guidelines
If the person is a Lifer who had an indeterminate sentence- 15 or 25 years to Life- They had to go through a stringent parole board review and approval process to be released from prison. There are usually additional parole guidelines based on their crime.
****If the person committed a crime against a woman such as murder – most parole boards will stipulate that ALL women in their life- especially romantically involved ones must be informed that the person is currently on parole and what their crime was. This is to make sure that any woman can make an informed decision about having this type of person in their life based on previous crimes/behaviors.
Women’s Resources
According to the Women’s Law Org website there are different types of abuse- Financial, Emotional and Physical to name a few.
You may also want to review and recognize the signs of Narcissistic Abuse according to Help Guide.com.
- Love-bombing and devaluation. Narcissistic abuse typically involves a pattern of showering you with excessive affection and then attempting to tear down your self-esteem.
- Idealization. During the initial phase, the narcissist can come off as charming and caring. A lover who showers you in compliments and makes you feel heard.
- Arrogant. Having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.
- Constant criticism and belittling. To devalue you, the abuser might unfairly nitpick your every action, insult you, or minimize your accomplishments.
- Withholding affection. A narcissist might only show you love or approval when you give in to their demands. They intentionally hold back to make you feel anxious and fearful, and this gives them a sense of control over you.
- Shifting blame. Rather than taking responsibility for their mistakes and shortcomings, the narcissist will find a way to blame you or other people.
- Gaslighting
- Financial abuse
- Isolation from friends/family
- DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender): A tactic used when held accountable: denying the behavior, attacking the person confronting them, and pretending to be the victim.
Its important to recognize any of these behaviors.
Red Flags
What about a person who claims that they have not family, friends, don’t talk to exes, everyone has screwed them over? Think twice because this person has no real personal references or accountability. Per Psychology Today Never Date a Man Who Doesnt Have Any Real Friends. you should closely evaluate a person like this and decide if they should be a part of your life.
According to Lotus Counseling “Red flags” include someone who:
- Wants to move too quickly into the relationship.
- Early in the relationship flatters you constantly, and seems “too good to be true.”
- Wants to know where you are all of the time and frequently calls, emails, and texts you throughout the day.
- Criticizes or puts you down; says you are crazy, stupid, and/or fat/unattractive, or that no one else would ever want or love you.
- Takes no responsibility for his or her behavior and blames others.
- Blames the entire failure of previous relationships on his or her former partner; for example, “My ex was totally crazy.”
- Takes your money or runs up your credit card debt.
Some traits to consider
- They shift blame onto others for all poor outcomes
- They struggle to maintain stable relationships
- They manipulate others’ emotions
- They react defensively to criticism
- They prefer validation over solutions
Narcissistic people are prone to playing the victim (but every person who plays the victim isn’t necessarily a narcissist). Among the types of narcissists, the victim narcissist, in particular, uses the victim mentality to convince those around them that others are constantly out to get them and that they are 100-percent innocent, thus garnering support and affection.
“By portraying themselves as victims, [narcissists] can deflect blame, avoid accountability, and manipulate others for sympathy and validation,” says Dr. Hafeez. “This behavior reinforces their sense of entitlement and superiority while exploiting social dynamics to their advantage.”